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Dear Jesus
I am 21 still very young, I am 5'6'' which is about average

and since the age of six

I've wanted nothing more than to be married
There, I said it!
I know it just sounds stupid
And I'm not sure if I was exactly six
But I remember that I'd sit
With my red, yellow and blue crayola sticks
And draw
I never liked felt tips
They were too hard to correct if something went wrong
I'd draw dresses or centre pieces whilst humming some cartoon network theme tune
Usually Simpsons
It's what I'd watch with mum
On a Saturday morn
When she didn't have work
I imagined people doing the macarena at my reception
I thought I'd always be as skinny as I was at seven
Fit into that dress I saw on tv at age eleven
But what I thought would really be heaven is marriage itself
I had to imagine
Because we rarely ever see a good marriage
But it mattered none
No Genie in a bottle but I wished for one
Didn't realise there's work that needed done
Somehow through the years 
I was never told that love had to be learned
I know how to cook and clean
Though the latter I enjoy not in the least
I know how to deal with sticky situations
Say please and thank you with a smile
And I'm expert at how to bathe, feed and put a new born down to sleep
I had protocol down to the dot
But with all this drive 
To succeed early in life 
I must have left emotion in the blind spot
I kid you not
I don't do this on purpose
I don't intentionally hurt us
Me and my heart that is
Can you explain to me Jesus
Why whether I love or I don't
I still end up alone?
I pray for the one
And get a thousand and some Suitors
Seeds I could never bear fruit off
I'm too tough they say so I try to be soft 
'Yes baby I love you!'
But in my mind it just feels odd
At some point I gave up on my odds
Thought I'd keep the devil I know and make him into god
Do things I know aren't right
Ignoring Christ
When there's trouble in paradise
I went on to settle with the one in a haste for a wife
The one with a deadline
The one in search for miss right ....now!
And there I was in the lost and found
No longer the auction house
And I was glad
At least until the day he found the necessity to make me feel bad for being smart
Intellect was never his criteria to love me
It was just about availability
And he made me believe
That knowledge equals power and power equals evil

and we weren't in London but we were in Eden

and of the forbidden fruit I had eaten

but he won't let me deceive him

 for I was now rotten and of wrong or right I still knew nothing
To him I was jezebels offspring
So I stopped speaking
But to him my lack of speech
Was a scheme to leave him
And in all honesty that was true
Whilst with him I found something new
A love I never really understood
Because I know nobody likes to haggle over broken goods
So you paid the highest price 
And I know I'll never find a man quite as nice
But I still want little more than to be a wife
And now I know to get there I must serve you right 
After all, above all as your church I am your own bride
With your blood the deed you signed
Then you told me to go off and multiply
So whoever’s rib it is I have in my side
I know you'll let me know in due time
So as much as I have tried to deny that yearning deep inside I just hope you don't close
Your omnipresent eyes
When I pray 
That you show me a way to 
Be successfully faithful 
To you
Up to and after the day that I say my I dos