next to the cooking stove (outing)

The mistakes she did will follow her to the grave

there they'll be safe

maybe there she can scream

when she remembers how he touched her

better yet its they

maybe it was her fault

certainly it was

a man cant be blamed for his libido

she had her lonely self to trust

when you are 8 you know its wrong

at 14 its more like the lemons life threw at you

make lemonade

make money

make favours

make everything you can to hide the failure of your rebellion

she finds someone to give your heart to so you no longer feel the ache

so when she bleeds she does not feel the pain

she don’t take it back when its over so she's never really lamed

by emotions but then the lack of it catches up to her head

catches up to her cognitive ability to forget and repress

the memories she'd rather die than address

she sits there wondering why she cant love anyone

but its anyone including her own blemished mind that cant love her

she refuses to

she would tell any other girl it weren’t her fault

but she is an exception

in her book she asked for the deception

and its repercussions

of never being able to put a sentiment

to anything as intimate

as that which was used against her

so she lives in exile in the midst of people but outside of love

wishing back the girl that drew her wedding dress at 5 years old

on the kitchen floor next to the cooking stove